I hate being me.
Jan. 18th, 2011 10:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
quillory Okay, so I love the people in my college residence hall (most of them [to a point]), but seriously. There are lines.
1. Apparently, being single, twenty, and never been kissed is a problem. And the entire lounge had to make a scene. Oh, I'm a virgin, too. Want to make a big deal of that, too? Bite me. Screw you all, and the wheeled soapboxes you rode in on.
2. DON'T FUCKING READ MY COMPUTER SCREEN. IT IS MY SCREEN. IF I WANTED YOU TO READ IT, I'D TURN IT FOR YOU TO SEE IT AND TELL YOU TO LOOK. THANK YOU.
3. I'm unnecessarily stressed for some reason. Like, today was a wondermous day, and now I feel like curling around a pillow and screaming.
Fuck my inability to outwardly express my negative emotions.
Time for music and writing. -sigh- Perhaps sleep. Yeah. That.
EDIT, TWO HOURS LATER:
I'm better now. Calmer, at least. Broody as hell, but calmer. Went for a drive, came back calm. Calm is... okay. Nearly pulled over and cried. Like, I had a massive urge to pull to the side of the road and bawl my eyes out. This is significant. Only a few of you know why.
I hate when I get like this. All self pitying and whiny and ick.
Targhee (the hall I live in) is awesome. But most of the time conversations hover around gaming or sex. The gaming I can handle. I'm not intense about it, but I like it. The sex talks... not so much.
Yes, I am nearly twenty years old. Five more days of nineteen-ness. Scary.
No, I've never been kissed. Deal with it.
No, I've never had sex. Deal with it more. If you can't, bugger off.
My hall had this huge "OMG, YOU'RE A VIRGIN?!?! YOU'VE NEVER BEEN KISSED!?!" reaction to it, and it wasn't the most pleasant thing ever. Really uncomfortable. Then they decided that they were going to try and hook me up with someone. That's where I drew the line.
I don't work like that.
If I'm going to be with someone, I want there to be a connection. I don't want a one-night stand, and I don't want a temporary fling. I'm someone who connects deeply with people, and I don't want to be in a relationship that's going to end within a month or two. It just... doesn't sit right with me. So when they say they want to hook me up with someone so I can be kissed and shit like that, I can't help but get upset because it bugs the everliving HELL OUT OF ME.
People are fucktards sometimes.
I'm going to stop being whiny and emotional (or at the least stop posting it on the internet) and go sleep now, I think. Yeah. Sounds about right. I'll deal with this tomorrow when I have more energy.
Αγαπη, Ταθ.
1. Apparently, being single, twenty, and never been kissed is a problem. And the entire lounge had to make a scene. Oh, I'm a virgin, too. Want to make a big deal of that, too? Bite me. Screw you all, and the wheeled soapboxes you rode in on.
2. DON'T FUCKING READ MY COMPUTER SCREEN. IT IS MY SCREEN. IF I WANTED YOU TO READ IT, I'D TURN IT FOR YOU TO SEE IT AND TELL YOU TO LOOK. THANK YOU.
3. I'm unnecessarily stressed for some reason. Like, today was a wondermous day, and now I feel like curling around a pillow and screaming.
Fuck my inability to outwardly express my negative emotions.
Time for music and writing. -sigh- Perhaps sleep. Yeah. That.
EDIT, TWO HOURS LATER:
I'm better now. Calmer, at least. Broody as hell, but calmer. Went for a drive, came back calm. Calm is... okay. Nearly pulled over and cried. Like, I had a massive urge to pull to the side of the road and bawl my eyes out. This is significant. Only a few of you know why.
I hate when I get like this. All self pitying and whiny and ick.
Targhee (the hall I live in) is awesome. But most of the time conversations hover around gaming or sex. The gaming I can handle. I'm not intense about it, but I like it. The sex talks... not so much.
Yes, I am nearly twenty years old. Five more days of nineteen-ness. Scary.
No, I've never been kissed. Deal with it.
No, I've never had sex. Deal with it more. If you can't, bugger off.
My hall had this huge "OMG, YOU'RE A VIRGIN?!?! YOU'VE NEVER BEEN KISSED!?!" reaction to it, and it wasn't the most pleasant thing ever. Really uncomfortable. Then they decided that they were going to try and hook me up with someone. That's where I drew the line.
I don't work like that.
If I'm going to be with someone, I want there to be a connection. I don't want a one-night stand, and I don't want a temporary fling. I'm someone who connects deeply with people, and I don't want to be in a relationship that's going to end within a month or two. It just... doesn't sit right with me. So when they say they want to hook me up with someone so I can be kissed and shit like that, I can't help but get upset because it bugs the everliving HELL OUT OF ME.
People are fucktards sometimes.
I'm going to stop being whiny and emotional (or at the least stop posting it on the internet) and go sleep now, I think. Yeah. Sounds about right. I'll deal with this tomorrow when I have more energy.
Αγαπη, Ταθ.
no subject
Date: 2011-01-19 02:11 pm (UTC)I know it's hard, but try not to let it get to you. As I'm sure you're well aware, it's completely normal, and there's nothing at all wrong with your attitude towards relationships. My boyfriend didn't have his first kiss til he was 18/19 and then he didn't have sex until he met me at 21. A lot of my friends, who are all 21 or 22, have never been kissed or had sex. No biggie!
Hope you're okay. And oh my, I know exactly what you mean about people reading your computer screen!
no subject
Date: 2011-01-19 04:42 pm (UTC)And yeah, they just really needed to take a hint and step off. This isn't the first time it's happened, and it very likely will happen again. It's just how the majority of the hall works. :/